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Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Why I DON'T write

I guess that title is a contradiction. But not really. On my blog, you only see some of the times I DO write, but I used to write a lot more. It's those absent writing sessions that I'm talking about. All those planned novels that never came to pass...or that ended three pages in. All these ideas in my head that I just never put on paper.

I finally figured out why today. It's not just the fact that I have replaced writing as a distraction with...the internet...Xanga...Facebook...a boyfriend...etc. Or that I am not as desperate to win a writing contest as I was in High School. It's that I am in a quiet, boring, uneventful crossroads in life and I really can't bring myself to write about a fictional person's adventure that is oh-so-much-more-exciting than mine. Not before I start living that way myself.

I can't watch a tv show without thinking...I wish I at least had a JOB to occupy my time...and these people are freakin HOMICIDE DIVISION DETECTIVES! ugh.

I mean, I have a wonderful boyfriend...and he is very exciting...but I do want something else in my day...something I can do that I can tell stories about...a rewarding job...etc.

I feel like such a failure right now without a job....i put in multiple applications almost daily...have encountered scams and restaraunt after restaraunt saying they are not hiring. I usually have a deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I just want to DO something and depend on myself.

I try to stay positive, but my phone jack just shorted out and again these potential employers have little way of contacting me....i have to email them all and tell them i have no phone...how embarassing...plus time consuming.

wow i am reminding myself of that girl who always bitches.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to get that all out.

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Things that are obvious or at least long-considered, but are still talked about as if they are novel

In no particular order.

1. George Bush went to the middle east so he could make money off of oil.

2. Obama's dad is from Africa and Obama was born in Hawaii. His middle name is Hussein, and if you haven't noticed, he is half black.

3. Gas is expensive.

4. We are in a recession.

5. Our dollar is losing value.

6. Healthcare sucks in America.

7. Bipartisan-ism is bad. Oh wait, no one's seemed to figure that out since George Washington. I'll just pretend to cross that off the list.

8. Bill Cosby spoke out against young black people's clothing style and slang. Oh no, a backwards hat. Like that hasn't been worn by white skaters since the 80's?

9. Kanye runs his mouth.

10. Black people can commit hate crimes, women can sexually assault men.

11. Lancaster has Amish people that ride buggies and live without many modern comforts.

12. 2012 is the year the earth will end or some shit like that..according to many people.

14. People die in Iraq. Iraqis are dying over there and it's ALL America's fault (um, these car bombs sent via Iraqi to Iraqi...they didn't ever happen BEFORE the war? And, I'm pretty sure most of yall voted Bush in TWICE...but now you complain cus it's the cool thing to do? didn't you know people die in wars, and they're expensive...that's reality buddy.)

15. Americans are fat (but we also have a very HIGH rate of old people...old people get fat easily...no one puts this into the equation though.) Crazy. McDonalds may be the cause.

16. Fast food is not very healthy, but fish is.

That ends my NO SHIT! rant....
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Wednesday, 02 September 2009

Insecurities=food!

I have the makings of a fat chick. I tend to seek comfort in food. Unfortunately, seeking comfort in food due to insecurities usually leads to more insecurities (ie gaining weight). I have the makings of a fat chick, but not all of them, cus i am not fat.

Anyway, when I am feeling insecure, I really get girly. I want to curl up with a tub of white chocolate raspberry haagen daz covered in hot fudge and munch on peanut butter chocolate reeses while cuddling something cute and fluffy. watching a chick flick the whole time. and then indulge in some fries and wendy's cheeseburger as a dessert. with some druity mixed drink. i've never actually eaten all of this at once, but it would be delicious. Oh ...and cheesecake...have to have that.

right now all i have are some gross hash browns and frozen meat. cheese, but i'm wary of eating it, cus i think it might be bad. oh i have mac n cheese, maybe i can make summa that.

so anyway, what are all of your comfort foods?
Look

Everyone who looks hard enough, will find either the truth
or the illusion of the truth they're seeking.
it's the illusion which makes an honest man a liar
and a dignified woman a hypocrite.
Absorbed in self-righteousness,
one will defend the walls of this solidly built fort
like a child with fists raised in defense...
close the gates to reality and shut the windows from light.
It is said, that the most depressed people are realists
and the happy cling to self-delusions.